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OCD's musical mind games

Most everyone gets a song stuck in their head now and then. I certainly do. But recently OCD has gotten involved and it's turned from a simple annoyance to something of a concern.

I realize this is one of those things that the general population isn't going to fully understand -- I think you need to have OCD or another form of anxiety to get it -- but I feel pretty safe talking about it here.

It sounds like I'm joking, but here goes: For about the past month, I'd say way more than half the time I wake up in the morning I have Wham's "Careless Whisper" going through my head -- instantly. "I'm never gonna dance again, Guilty feet have got no rhythm ... Should have known better than to cheat a friend."

Just those words.

I admit, this sounds funny. The scary thing is I don't hear this song enough, if ever these days, for it to be so stuck in my head. It was never a favorite song of mine either. I didn't NOT like it, I just never sought it out.

So why is it there almost every morning?

That's what OCD asks, and then, OCD being OCD, it gives me a variety of answers to worry about rather than just letting it go.

Did you cheat a friend? You must thinking you cheated a friend.

What are you feeling guilty about?

You must be feeling guilty about something. Who did you cheat?

And on and on it goes. I realize it's OCD asking those questions, but part of me wonders what my subconscious is legitimately trying to tell me?

Now, instead of the song simply being stuck in my head when I wake up in the morning, I worry during the day that I've cheated a friend and don't know it.

It sounds crazy -- it feels crazy. But for now I'm definitely losing this OCD game.

I've put way too much thought into the song. Analyzing the words, wondering what they mean to my life, etc. If you have OCD, you know that kind of thinking can spiral out of control.

Not sure what to do, except maybe bombard my brain with other songs, hoping something else will get stuck in my head and replace "Careless Whisper."

And then hope that I don't wake up with the song in my head again tomorrow morning.


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