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Observing 'normal' behavior

About 10 years ago, I began noticing that I study people I consider "normal" to see how they react in certain situations. Like a researcher studying the ways of animals in the wild. How do people who don't have OCD act, compared to how I present myself?

How does my brother greet someone he's meeting for the first time? Seems like he's really listening when the person tells my brother his name, as opposed to what I tend to do -- think about how the first thing out of my mouth could offend the person. I'm often more focused on what I'm saying, in an effort to get it just right. Those first words out of my mouth sometimes seem like I'm walking on a high wire.

How does my girlfriend walk past a mirror? She stops and looks, as opposed to what I do -- which is do all I can to avoid seeing my reflection. I've never been diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder but I think there's a 90 percent chance I have some degree of it. I can't stand my appearance most of the time.

How's my best friend watch a football game with our favorite team on the field? Oh, look, he's enjoying the game and having fun -- as opposed to what I'm doing, which is generally trying to not think or do certain things, which of course will impact how they play and I'll be responsible for their failure. (I'm never responsible for my team winning, just losing, oddly enough.)

I've found this observational behavior a bit unsettling, but truly revealing.

And I do try to learn from it -- sort of a fake it til you make it approach as I work through my OCD.


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