OCD and ME

Getting this out of the way right off the top: I'm not sure I can describe all the feelings that go through my head when I have what OCD is telling me is a 'bad thought.' It's something I've been experiencing since I was a  child -- many, many times a day -- but I don't think I've ever fully described it to anyone. But I'm going to give it a try. Here goes: The thought comes into my brain out of nowhere. It could be a simple obscenity, or it could be an obscenity with someone's name attached to it. It could be an obscenity with my own name attached to it. Or it may have nothing to do with obscenities at all. It might be "I hate (fill in the blank)." Or it could be religion related (the worst of them all -- because OCD perceives it as offense against God for which I may never be forgiven). All that happens in a fraction of a second. Where I suppose someone without OCD wouldn't even know the thought was there, or if they did, woul

Yesterday I was thinking about what my life would be like without OCD. Almost all of the differences would be positive, but as a friend reminded me, I believe that some elements of my personality (empathy, compassion) at least, in part, are stronger because I've had  mental health challenges. So here's a list -- a partial one, because who has time to read a comprehensive list, anyway? -- of things that would NOT be part of my daily life if I didn't have OCD. A constant need to count things (such as how many times I look at a religious symbol). A constant need to have items (such as scissors) pointing up and to the right, out of some OCD concept that up and to the right is good, down and to the left is bad. A fear that so many decisions I make will have some powerful implication on someone else's, if not everyone else's, well-being. And I don't mean major decisions, could be simply how I fold a bathroom towel or whether I throw away a piece of trash now