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The day I turned claustrophobic

I never thought I was claustrophobic -- it never even occurred to me that I might be. Until I went for my first MRI.

I'm not sure this has anything to do with OCD, though in my case I think it does, because now when faced with an MRI I tend to catastrophize -- focusing on having the worst possible experience in that tube weeks ahead of the actual appointment.

For my first MRI I was offered a Valium to keep me calm. I cockily said no, don't need it, and proceeded to get on the MRI table.

My recollection is that I didn't start to panic right away, as they slid me head first into the tube. But I do recall starting to get a little uncomfortable. Then they handed me a panic button in case I needed to get out.

They turned the machine on and in maybe a second -- at most -- I was hitting away at the button. Kicking my legs up and down. Yelling something to the effect of "Get me out. Now!"

Of course I was embarrassed and it goes without saying that I got no further trying to find the cause for my chronic neck pain. But I left and went on with my life.

Until I stepped into an elevator. I had never even remotely had a problem with elevators, but now the door closed and I went into a panic.

Then I took the underground transit system -- one I'd taken every weekday from home to college for 5 years without issue. As soon as the doors closed my heart starting racing and I got clammy, breaking into a sweat.

Then it was airplanes, and the middle of big buildings where I couldn't just step outside for air, even parking structures as I went higher up the levels. Anyplace that seemed the least confining sent my brain spiraling.

This lasted in the extreme for at least 2 years, all triggered by the MRI.

I've since gotten much better about confined spaces -- elevators are generally no problem, and airplanes -- while they take some focus -- are ok too, as long as I get an aisle seat.

MRIs have gotten only slightly easier, however.

I usually now have my girlfriend in the room squeezing my toe to take my mind off my head inside the tube. And the last one I had, the technician gave me a mirror that allowed me to look out the front of the cylinder, as if I was looking into open space.

Plus, I take anti-anxiety meds before I go.

I figure I had latent claustrophobia until they cranked up that first MRI. Now it feels like it's there somewhere waiting to pounce if I'm not careful and alert.

Comments

  1. UnknownOctober 4, 2018 at 6:06 AM

    Thanks for sharing your story. My claustrophobia is different, more of a numbing paralysis. I have always known that this would be the case if I went scuba diving, though that might be the one thing that sends me into a panic, as there's a much more immediate risk of death/suffocation. The paralysis part came about when I had an office job in the basement of a large building tourist destination tower. There was no other place for the offices, so they went in the basement. After working there a few months, my head started to spin. I already have focusing issues, so no surprise I was fired shortly therafter. Maybe it was the near kilometre of concrete floating above my head, and probably below too.

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    Replies
    1. OCD and MeOctober 4, 2018 at 11:08 PM

      Your work experience reminded me of an outing I took with a friend. We went to visit a deep cavern that was set up for guided tours. At that point I didn't realize I had claustrophobia, but we took an elevator down underground and walked out into this place. I freaked out and started to panic. I told my friend I had to leave, right then. She talked me down and I made it through the tour, but I recall have a hard time breathing and just wanting to run -- even though there was really nowhere to go.

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