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Could I be clinging to OCD?

This may sound odd, but sometimes I wonder if I'm capable of functioning without OCD.

It's been a part of my life for so long it's hard to imagine what it would be like to go through my day without repetitive thoughts, counting, a fear of certain thoughts.

OCD can be excruciating. The effort it takes to do the mental repetitions and the simultaneous effort it takes not to let anyone know I'm doing them is exhausting.

So is it even conceivable that I'd be lost without OCD?

Maybe I think that with obsessive compulsive disorder I always have something to blame if things go poorly. But if OCD were suddenly out of the picture, everything would be my fault. There'd be nothing to blame.


Is it possible OCD has become a safety net that I can't let go of?

It's hard for me to believe that I'm clinging to OCD. So I fight back at the thought -- and maybe the thought, itself, is an OCD thought to begin with.

One thing is pretty certain: I would sure welcome experiencing a day without the drain of OCD. I have this sensation of a huge weight off my back, taking deep long breaths of clean, fresh air. A peacefulness.

That's worth a try, regardless of my doubts.

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